On Bear-Poking (or, Let Sleeping Bears Lie)

An experienced outdoorsman invites his friend to join him for a hike. The friend has done very little hiking, so he’s nervous about the experience. As they start up the trail, he turns to his experienced friend and asks, “What do we do if we see a bear?”

His friend shrugs. “If we see a bear? We leave him alone. He probably won’t bother us if we don’t get too close.”

“But what if he comes after us?”

Another shrug. “If he comes after us, we’ll back away slowly.”

The greenhorn still isn’t satisfied. He stops walking and asks, “But what if he charges?”

The hiker sighs. “If he charges, we run.”

“We run? That’s it? That’s your big plan: we run? Why aren’t you more worried about this? Don’t tell me you think you’re faster than a bear.”

The hiker smiles and starts walking up the trail again. “I’m not worried because I don’t have to be faster than a bear. I just have to be faster than you.”

We have a saying in our office: “Don’t poke the bear.” It means that once you finally put a contentious decision to rest, there’s no point in bringing it up again unless new information arises; it only brings pain. (I’ve also heard that it’s spoken as a warning on the mornings when I seem cranky, but that remains…